Barrett is a man a few years older than me who I met through Shirley sometime during the fall semester in the Fall of ’94.  That was a few months after Miles and I started dating.  Shirley said she loved Barrett, but she knew him and I would really get along.  

Barrett was a grad student studying political science, so he had his own place. I never thought I’d ever meet a man like him– smart, funny, and he got along well with Miles.  We gravitated towards each other when the 4 of us would go out.  We were both busy with school, but we had actual study dates–just being in the same room with each other was enough.  I saw a future with him.

Then one weekend, Shirley took Barrett with her to visit Rael.  Barrett and Rael been e-mailing for a few months and had developed a fondness for each other.  During that weekend, Shirley discovered how fond they really were of each other.  When they got back, Barrett said that we couldn’t date anymore because he was choosing to be with Rael and Shirley.  It felt more natural to him than having two separate girlfriends.  I understood, even though I wasn’t happy about losing that kind of intimacy with him.  Barrett never regretted his choice, and he was the one who performed the ceremony when Rael and Shirley got married.  His studies had turned to anthropology after he realized he liked studying the people, not the systems.  He spent a lot of his 30’s living in other countries.  

When Rael got sick, it was very hard on Barrett to see what Rael’s illness was doing to Shirley and Rael’s marriage.  Barred would find a short-term job somewhere else in the world for a few months when it became too much to bear.  Then he’d come home and give Shirley a break from caretaking.  A few months before Rael died, Barrett got his dream job.  He didn’t want to take it, but Rael, who was already planning his death, encouraged him to do so he would be able to keep busy after he died.  Shirley knew what the job would mean to Barrett, and she had no idea about Rael’s plans.  Barrett managed to come back for the funeral.  He put all his stuff into storage and encouraged Shirley to sell the house.  “I won’t be home for awhile.  It’s better that you live your own life now.  You deserve it after all you went through.”

Then the world changed and Barrett came home.  Shirley had moved into my Grandparent’s old house a year earlier.  After staying in a hotel for a month, he’s living with Shirley and writing a book now.

There’s a lot more to Barrett’s story, but that’s all he’d like to disclose for now.

I guess I should mention that when Barrett and I stopped dating, we jokingly said that we’d try again when Rael was dead.  When you’re in your 20’s, that seems like it’ll never happen.  Yet here we are a quarter century later and that actually happened.  I thought second chances were merely chick flick fiction.  I’m lucky it isn’t.