I knew something was up when Barrett emailed me from Rael’s house asking if he could come over tonight when him and Shirley were back.  Actually, I’d known something was up for a week or so.  Barrett had mentioned that Rael had emailed him about some trivial thing.  I’d seen Rael include Barrett on some group emails over the past couple months, but I didn’t know they’d been in communication.  

Barrett came over with a joint.  “Present from your uncle.”

“He knows me well.”  I took it and put it in my old lunchpail where I keep such things when I come across them. 

Barrett took out another one.  “Let’s go outside.”  I looked at him, and I could just see it in his eyes.  

“Do you really need to get high to tell me that you were with Rael?”  I said.

 He blushed and chuckled nervously. “Not now that you said it.” 

“I’ve thought about it for the whole time you were gone.   If you guys were emailing, then you could develop a really strong friendship.  And I know where that could lead.  I know you wanted to be with a man.  I get it.  I just wish it hadn’t have been him.  But I get why it was.  Both of you love Shirley and it’s something you have in common.  It’s a common relationship instead of separate ones.  I don’t know if I could do that.  So it sucks, but I understand why we can’t be together anymore.”

“Oh dear, you have been thinking.  I’m sorry.”  Barrett said.  “I didn’t know what it was going to be like until I got there.  I told him all about me and he didn’t blink when I took my clothes off.  There’s something in my soul that he gets.”

I stood there, not knowing what to say.  That’s how I felt about Barrett.  I knew the kind of life he wanted to lead and I was willing to make something work between us.  But I still had a few years of college left and he’d be done with grad school in a year.  We both knew that long distance wouldn’t work out for us.  I just thought I had more time.

“So, I guess we figure out how to be friends?”  I looked up at him.  I didn’t want to sacrifice a friendship if I didn’t have to.  Plus he’d still be around for awhile.  There was plenty to do without sex.   

“Yes, we do.  But it’s at your pace.”

“Ok.  We’ll focus on the other stuff we like to do.  No sleepovers.  That would be too hard.”

“Ok, that’s a good start.  I’m so sorry, Hen.  I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“We both know it was going to end one way or another.  It just happened way earlier than I expected.”

After Barrett left, I called Rael.

“Hello?”

“I felt compelled to call you, but I don’t know what to say.”

“Hi, Hen.  I don’t know what to say either.”

“You knew I was dating him.  You knew we were happy.  What the fuck?”

“We just started writing and realized how much we had in common.  I understand why you love him.  I’m sorry.”

“I want to be pissed at you.”

“You have every right to be.  Your uncle slept with your boyfriend.”

“But you’re not really my uncle, Rael.  You haven’t been with my Godparents in years.  But you knew how I felt about him!”

“I didn’t set out to do this, Hen.  There hasn’t been another man since Harold.  I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted.”

“I knew Barrett wanted to be with a man.  Why the fuck did it have to be you?”

“Miles is straight?”  He laughed.  

“It’s a good thing he is, or I’d lose him to you too!”  I surprised myself by saying that out loud.

“Hen, I wouldn’t.  I know you’re pissed.  It’s okay to be.”

That sort of calmed me down a little.  He wasn’t trying to make me feel bad for being reasonably upset.  

“Rael, I saw the look in Barrett’s eyes when he talked about you.  I can’t get in the way of that.  It just really sucks that it’s you.  If it were someone else, it would be so different.  But it had to be you!”  I sighed.  

“I promise that this will never happen again.  I do regret that I’m taking someone away from you.”

“So do I.  Barrett’s a wonderful man.”

“I know.  Hen, I’m astounded you’d be any amount of understanding.”

“You know who raised me.”  I laughed.

“If I ever die, he’s all yours.”  Rael said.  “I owe you that much.”

 

***

The next morning, I called Barrett.

“Talked to Rael last night.  It’s cool.”

“I know.  He emailed me.”

“I think right now you need him more than you need me.  That’s okay.”

“Your capacity for understanding never ceases to amaze me, Hen.”

“Thanks.  But I’m going to need some time alone to get used to this.  I want to work through some things before we start hanging out as friends.  If I don’t, it won’t be good.”

“I figured.  Call me when you’re ready.”

“I will.”